Could She Ever Love Me?
by sweetaholic
Summary: Jacob, along with the pack, have been protecting Bella from Victoria. What happens when Alice doesn't arrive at Bella's house, and Bella takes the plunge and kisses Jacob? JACOB POV.
1. Why Did She Put That In My Head?

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Yes, this one is very similar to "Bella's Chance at Happiness." Aside from the fact that Jacob is actually a wolf in this one, and this one is set from the moment Bella is deciding whether or not she should make a move on Jacob; but when she sees the car, and all that stuff. Anyway, the point is, I had a request for an entire Jacob POV fic for BellaXJacob, so, I figured, I'd post it.  
If you review, please be kind. I know I've already done BellaXJacob, but, yeah.  
Please enjoy to those who requested. :)

We pulled up in front of Bella's house, and we stayed there for a moment, side by side. Waiting. She looked as though she might be contemplating something - was she going to ask me something? Was she going to tell me something? But she wasn't looking up at me, her eyes were hung lower. I wanted to know what she was thinking, she seemed to have forgotten about me for the moment. What should I do? Should I speak, should I move?I was holding her in my arms, not tightly enough, never tightly enough, but it was strange. She was stiff. Then I felt it. It was so sudden, so soft, so unexpected. Her lips on my shoulder blade, pressing gently against my warm skin. Her hands were touching me, softly, carefully, waiting for my reaction. She knew what it would be. I waited for her to take her lips back, and I pulled her harshly away from me. Too harshly, possibly, because she looked up at me with sudden fear in her eyes. I just looked down at her, I wondered what my own expression would look like. But I didn't care. I didn't care how I must have looked - if I was desperate, or needy, or damn near pathetic, I didn't care.

Bella's lips had been against my bare skin, pressing down on me, wanting a reaction from me.  
I didn't have time to think about why she had kissed me. I didn't want time to think about it. I just wanted to kiss her. My hands acted quicker than my mind, because they pulled her forward again, and I felt my face bend down to meet hers, my mouth drawn to hers without consent. I kissed her roughly, waiting for a response, but getting nothing. She kept her lips tightly shut, so I shut mine too and just pressed, not wanting to move them away. I felt her hands still lingering on my chest, still softly and cautiously. Then I stopped.  
I pulled my face away, looking down at her intently. Her eyes were still scrunched closed, and her mouth was pressed in a hard line. Was she thinking about the blood-sucker? Did she think she was still betraying him?

I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to pull her close to me, to hold her and to smell her, but my mind screamed at me to keep my hands to myself. That was probably the best thing to do, since she just looked up at me, a little timid, her eyes wide with shock.  
"Jacob," she breathed. She said my name in a way nobody else could. I didn't know what it was exactly, but, all I knew is that it made me crazy. I wanted to push her down with a kiss again, but I really had to control myself. I noticed her hands were creeping away, so I put my own hands up to her wrists, holding them there against my hot chest. She was breathing heavy and her hands were trembling, but she didn't move them away.  
"Bella, I -" but she stopped me. Probably for the best. Who knows what nonsense could have come out of my mouth.  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Sorry wasn't exactly the word I was wanting to hear right now. Sorry wasn't something I wanted her to be, especially because sorry usually came with regret. And if she regretted what just happened, well, I would be screwed. I was barely controlling myself as it was.  
"For what, Bells?" I asked, my own voice seemed louder by comparison. She looked up at me with tearful eyes; was she going to start crying again? She seemed to cry a lot these days, and well, I couldn't blame her. She'd lost the love of her life - even if he was a stinking leech, and now she was being tracked by some sadistic vampire. Because of that stinking leech. It was a lot to take in. But now, I think she was crying because of me. I hated the thought of that.  
"I'm sorry," she choked out again, and I couldn't help but pull her up against my chest again. I noticed that her face was close to where it had been before, when her lips had kissed me. Did Bella know the effect she had on me?  
"Bells, don't cry," I tried to sooth her, but she just broke away from the embrace, and looked at me with guilty eyes. She wiped the tears away with her sleeve, and tried to sit up straight. She didn't speak for a long time, she sort of just, sat there. Like she was intently thinking. What else could I do but wait? I didn't want to talk in case I made her upset again, so it was better for me to just sit there like an idiot, replaying that kiss in my head. After all, it might be the only kiss I ever get from Bella.

"Thank you for everything, Jacob," she said suddenly, shocking me out of my imagination. Her voice was so quiet I was shocked I had even heard her. She tried to smile, but it was weak.  
"You don't have to thank me for anything, Bells," I said, smiling back at her. She just looked down at her lap, fiddling with her hands absent-mindedly. I wish I knew what was going on in that head of hers.  
"No, I do, I'm, really grateful - to the rest of the pack, as well," she added, looking up at me suddenly. I nodded silently, not knowing what to say to that. After all, we weren't just doing it for her. We were protecting our boundaries. That's what we were born to do. I was just happy that I could protect Bella; even if it meant going days without sleep.  
"But I'm especially grateful to you, Jake. You've become, someone very important," she said slowly, as though she was struggling to say it. I liked to hear those words slip from her mouth; that I was important. I'd never be as important as the leech, though. I knew that. I knew I could never take his place, even if I tried. Even if Bella let me try. Some dreams just don't come true.  
"You know you're important to me, Bells," I said, looking at her sadly. She wasn't just important, she was special. She was everything to me. But I wasn't all of that to her, I know that. She just sat there, as though she didn't understand, looking at me. Was she waiting for more?  
She was.  
I leant in again and let my lips find hers; my eyes were closed far before I reached her face. In reality I was terrified to kiss her again, dreading the moment I'd feel her push me away and run from me, crying, rejecting, horrified at what I'd done to her. I let my lips linger on hers for just a moment, before I broke away and opened my eyes. She opened her eyes to me again, her beautiful eyes, staring at me.  
She didn't look mad, or upset with me. She did look sad. But, then again, she always did. We got out together, and I walked around to her. She slipped her hand into mine instantly, her tiny hand buried within mine. She didn't look at me for my reaction, but she did speak.  
"Will you be watching tonight?" she asked. She seemed uncertain again. I nodded, and bit my lip.  
"Yes, I will," I replied. She clucked her tongue.  
"You need some rest, Jacob Black," she said, trying to tease me, punching my lightly in the arm with her free hand. I just smiled; she still seemed to jittery to pull off being comfortable with me right now. She'd better not try to pass that kiss off as 'something that never happened,' because I know that's something I won't be forgetting anytime soon. Even if she didn't want to talk about it right now, I need to know what she wants from me. And even though I could just sit around and wait for her forever; I was anxious to know what her decision was.

She'd kissed me, she'd let me kiss her.  
But we'd talk about that another time.  
"It's alright, I don't mind watching over you," I replied to her joke, and I let out a short laugh. I didn't want her to think she wasn't funny.  
"But really, you're probably so tired," she said, looking up at me with concern. I felt her hand grip mine tighter before she let go, opening the front door and letting me inside. I checked quickly, sniffing slightly. No vampires here. She hovered by the lounge, perching herself against it as she watched me check through the bottom floor.  
"It's safe," I told her, smiling.  
"Upstairs?" she asked, looking a little uncertain. Although I would have been able to smell anything from down here, I climbed the stairs regardless. I wanted to put her mind at ease. She followed me up, hovering behind me unnaturally.  
"It's good," I told her, checking through half-heartedly. I would have smelt it by now. Those blood-suckers really know how to stink up a place. She let out a sigh, and I felt her hand take mine again.  
"Thank you," she said quietly, and she took a step closer. She leant her head softly against my chest, and I felt my heartbeat quicken. Could she hear it? I could feel her breathe against my skin, faster than usual. Did she know what this was doing to me? Did she care?  
As if she'd read my mind, she backed away from me and smiled bashfully.  
"I should get going," I said. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should get going? Seriously, I didn't want to go anywhere! I was deathly tired, but Bella sure knew how to keep me awake. If I left now, I'd probably miss the chance at talking about that kiss forever.  
"Oh," she replied, and she sounded as though she was disappointed. Before she had a chance to say anything else, I spoke again:  
"Well I'll stay if you want, I mean, it's alright," it all came out in a hurried sentence. She just watched me speak, and nodded.  
"Sure, stay," she said. I shot a look to her bedroom. She must have noticed, since as soon as I did, she pulled my arm and led me back down to the bottom floor and into the lounge room, where we sat side by side on the couch, watching a turned off television screen.

"So, that, uh, kiss," I began, but I hadn't thought of a way to finish that sentence. She seemed to have been expecting more, since she didn't reply right away.  
"Yeah," she said after a while, and we didn't look at each other. I could tell she was avoiding looking at me, but, I think I was doing a pretty good job doing the same.  
"So, we, um,"  
"Yeah," she said again, before I had a chance to stop. I dared a glance at her, and she must have noticed, because she looked up to meet my eyes. She looked uncomfortable, and if I had to take a guess at what she was thinking, I'd say it would have been:  
Run!  
"I just-"  
"I was just-" we both stopped. She let out a long sigh, and I scratched my head. What to say. She just kept cutting me off.  
"Bella -"  
"I'm sorry, Jacob. I just, I don't know what came over me. You're so good to me, and, I just, I really appreciate it," she cut me off again, of course. She was trying to explain it, but, really that made no sense at all to me.  
"What did it mean?" I asked. I dreaded the answer, knowing it would be bad news for me; knowing that it was an accident, it was a mistake. I really didn't want it to be.  
"I don't know," she whispered after a while. She didn't know. I didn't know. Did anybody know what was going on here. I thought if anyone should know, it would be Bella. She started it all, she'd kissed me.  
"Why did you?" I asked quietly. I suppose she wouldn't know that either.  
"I want to make you happy," she said softly. Make me happy? She was the most unhappy person I'd ever met; she should be trying to make herself happy before anyone else.  
"What about you?" I asked. Of course, I wanted her to make me happy. I wanted that more than anything. But I wanted to make her happy as well. And I didn't think she wanted that. "What about me?" she asked. Sometimes she made no sense to me at all.  
"Your feelings. Do I make you happy?" I asked. Why did I keep asking things that I did not want to hear the answer to. I really was stupid sometimes. She shifted uncomfortably, was she edging away from me?  
"You do make me happy," she responded. I knew the answer to every other question. Why can't we be together, why can't you love me. Every answer was the same, and it all ended with the bloodsucker. It was all because of him.  
How much more time would Bella need before she would be, well, Bella again? She'd come so far these past months, she'd almost gone back to her normal self, and I almost had her. I'd had her in my arms, I'd been kissing her, she'd been kissing me, that was everything I'd ever dreamt of. And one simple memory of a disgusting leech was stopping my dreams from coming true.  
I knew I sounded really selfish. But I hated him. For what he'd done to Bella, for what he was still doing to Bella.  
"Do I make you happy enough, for that?" I asked then. No. I suppose I probably didn't. She didn't reply for a very long time, but she shifted her head and rested it gently on my shoulder, her hair tickling my bare skin.  
"I don't know," she said at last. She just needed time. And we had all the time in the world to work this out.  
"Alright," I replied, sliding an arm up to hold her. I wanted to kiss her again, my lips were tingling at the memory of it, but I didn't dare move my face any closer to her. Being here for her would be enough for now, for this very moment, I couldn't go too fast or else I would screw everything up. I had to have control. She walked me to the door when I left. I'd decided to go home and take a rest before tonight. I was intent on watching her during the night-times; I couldn't bear the thought of her being attacked in the middle of the night while I was down in La Push snoring. I couldn't let anything happen to her.

When I got home I crashed right away. I was extremely tired, and even though Bella had been able to keep me awake cleverly with the kiss, I was much too exhausted to stay up any longer.  
I'm fairly sure I dreamt of the kiss, or maybe I had just been thinking about it as soon as I woke up, and that was all that was left in my mind. It was dark when I did actually wake up, and the lights in my house were switched on. What time was it? I got up quickly and strode out into the kitchen. It was late, I was late for my shift to watch Bella. I ran out the door, phasing as soon as I did, and made my way to Bella's. I still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, and I heard Embry laugh. Great, night duty with Embry - this would be fun. Not.

_What was vampire girl thinking?! _Embry thought with a laugh. I growled out loud, not wanting to talk about it. This was something that really sucked about being part of a pack. They had to know everything.  
_Oh shut up, Embry _I replied, rolling my eyes.  
_Come on, Jacob. You haven't even imprinted on her, why are you wasting your time? _he asked, suddenly coming into view. I growled at him. I really disliked this talk. Suddenly we heard Sam's voice.  
_Hey, you two, can we please focus on the task at hand. You're supposed to be looking out for the vampire, okay? And Jacob, please stop replaying that kiss in your head - we don't need to see it!  
_Where was Sam, wasn't he supposed to be resting tonight?  
_No, he's bordering tonight. _Embry interrupted. Did anyone else actually think their own thoughts, aside from me?  
_We all do and you know it Jacob, now come on. Bella isn't going to protect herself._ Sam said with a growl.  
_There's no sign of the leech coming anywhere close to here, what about the borders? _Embry asked.  
_Nothing guys. _Paul suddenly answered. Border patrol as well, huh.  
_She's backed off a lot, she's planning something though. _Sam thought.  
_And Jacob - kudos. _Paul scoffed, and I growled again.  
I really did not want to talk about Bella tonight. The night seemed to go on like that, general talk until I accidentally let my thoughts slip and someone would make a wise crack about me and Bella. Then I heard it. The echoing scream from Bella's bedroom. I winced, wanting to block my ears. I knew it was just a nightmare, but it scared me just as much as her being attacked would. Except there was nothing I could do about the nightmares. I could kill a vampire, but I couldn't stop what was in her head. We all stayed silent until the screaming stopped. I wanted to phase back and comfort her - a thought that was met with laughter from a few of the guys - but decided against it. Bella wouldn't want me climbing into her room, half naked in the middle of the night. That would probably be just as scary for her.

She fell asleep again soon enough, and with permission from Sam, I phased back into a human and climbed up to her window to check on her. I wouldn't wake her, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I slid the window open as slowly as I could, and fell onto her floor with a soft thud. She was tossing and turning, her brow pushed together, and she was mumbling something. I leant in closer.  
"Jacob," she said, suddenly so clear I feared she'd woken up. But her eyes were still closed, her breathing still steady. I jumped back regardless, from shock if anything, and waited for her to speak again. "My Jacob," she went on to say, and I shrugged to myself. _My Jacob_, huh? Great, wait till the guys hear about this. Just more fuel for the fire. I leant in to smooth her hair down softly, I wanted to kiss her, but I resisted the temptation. I brought my hand back, and climbed back out through the window, phasing as soon as I hit the ground.

_Oooh, my Jacob! _Embry put on a girly voice, and I had to laugh.  
_That voice suits you. _I remarked.  
_I wonder what kind of dream she was just having? _Paul said slyly, and he and Embry roared with laughter.  
_Was she okay? _Sam asked, interrupting the laughter.  
_Yeah, she was alright. _I replied, grimacing to myself. Aside from her obviously dreaming about me. I wanted to know what she was dreaming of now. I hoped I wasn't part of her nightmares.  
_By the sounds of it, she wasn't having a nightmare, Jake! _Embry joked, and Paul laughed.  
_Maybe you should ask her about them? _Paul retorted. I just growled.

Why did Bella have to go and dream about me like that? Why did Bella do anything that she did, if she didn't want me. But, I suppose, she had no idea what she was doing to me, really. And she couldn't control her dreams. Still, I smiled at the thought of her saying my name.


	2. Things Don't Seem To Be Going Anywhere

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Thanks for the reviews for this one, I feel popular already hahaha. I hope you're all enjoying it, since I'm enjoying writing it. Haha. I'm enjoying writing a Jacob POV all the time, since he's so lovely. Hahahaha. So enjoy!  
Review kindly :)

Once morning broke, we relaxed a little bit. Bella was up and about, and I waited until Charlie left for work before phasing back into a human and going to her door. She answered, smiling at me. She always smiled at me as though she hadn't seen me for years. I think it killed me a little bit inside each time she did, because I knew it didn't mean I wanted it to. But I pushed that far down inside of me, and gave her a smile.  
"Morning Bells," I said, stepping over the threshold and inviting myself in. She didn't complain, but followed me inside to the kitchen, where I hovered, not really knowing what to do. I didn't want her staying here during the day, but I could imagine she was pretty sick of La Push right about now. What else could we do, though?  
"So are we going to your place?" she asked, her voice cracked, it must have been the first thing she'd said this morning. I tried to hide a smile.  
"Sure, are you ready?" I asked. She just nodded silently, and we exited her house together. She was quiet, was she worried about the bloodsucker? Was she still thinking about her nightmare, because I know I was. I couldn't get her screaming out of my head, it was torture. I never wanted to hear that again, but it was inevitable. I couldn't exactly ask her kindly to stop screaming because it distracts me from doing by job.  
I pulled myself up into her truck, and she slid into the passenger seat without complaint. She didn't look at me, and suddenly my mind reminded me why. The scene of the kiss. Suddenly the whole moment replayed itself in my head, and I wanted to make that a reality, but she looked so sad, staring out the window away from me, that I didn't dare touch her to comfort her.  
"Are you alright, Bella?" I asked seriously, my hand did reach out upon it's own will, but I recoiled before it touched her arm. She looked around to me, and tried to smile. It didn't exactly come out as a smile, though. It came out more as a pained frown.  
"I'm fine," she nodded. I wanted to touch her, I wanted to let her know I was here, she could open to up to me. I was her best friend, she could trust me.  
"Bella…" I began, not really knowing what else to say. She just looked down, her hands were shaking slightly, and she looked a little scared.  
"I'm fine, Jacob," she snapped, but she still looked upset. Not angry at all. I shrugged to myself. Girls, I really did not understand them. Especially Bella.

I started the engine and we began to drive off down to the reservation, we stayed silent for most of the ride.  
"Is this about the kiss?" I asked. Stupid. Why the hell would I ask her that? She was probably just going to get angrier at me, she was probably just going to distance herself from me even more now.  
"Yes," she replied, almost instantly, suddenly looking up at me. Thanks Bella, no need to spare my feelings.  
"Why?" I asked. Again, another stupid question. Sometimes my mouth just wouldn't stop, even when my heart had had enough bad news from her.  
"You keep calling it the kiss, but really, it -" she hesitated, her voice was getting higher and I just prayed she wouldn't break out into tears again. I couldn't handle that. "I know it was my fault."  
"You kissed me," I commented, but obviously she knew that. I had no idea what she was thinking, I didn't really want to hear whatever was going to come out of her mouth next, but I must be some sort of a masochist or something because I keep coming back for more.  
"I know, and I, it's because, Jacob, you're, special to me and I," she stopped, frowning suddenly, as though she didn't know how to put it.  
"I'm you're best friend, I know that," I replied. I must have sounded like a child who wasn't getting what it wanted, but I didn't care. It's sort of how I felt.  
"You're more than my best friend," she whispered. With that simple sentence, I wanted to stop the car, push myself onto her and kiss her all over again, but I knew that wasn't what she meant.  
"I know, Bella," I replied. I wanted to understand the way she felt about me, I wanted to accept it. I tried to. But I don't know if I ever could. She loved me, but she wasn't in love with me. She wanted me, but not as a lover.  
"I don't even know, Jake. How can you?" she asked, and I glanced over at her. She looked upset, I wanted to hug her, but I didn't want to scare her away. I didn't really understand her reply, so I didn't say anything back to her. What could I say. _Explain it more clearly, please?_Soon after we pulled up at my house, and we got out. I walked her inside, and sat her silently down at on the couch.  
"Do you have to go?" she asked, looking up at me sweetly. _No_, I silently said. But of course, that's not what I really said. Because I didn't really mean that at all.  
"My brothers need me," I explained. She smiled again, and outstretched a hand to me. I took it lightly, a little scared.  
"Please be careful Jacob, if anyone got hurt because of me, I would just -"  
"Nobody is going to get hurt, Bells. You underestimate us, and overestimate those leeches. We're born to kill these things, okay," I said, reaching down so I could speak to her face directly. She nodded. I knew she hated when I called them leeches or bloodsuckers, I know she hated me talking about the pack as though we were just killers. Bella was strange that way; she just accepted the fact there were a bunch of giant wolves running around La Push and Forks. It just made me love her even more; I doubted other girls would be that accepting.  
"Okay Jake," she croaked, and oh no, it sounded like she was going to cry. Thinking quickly, and stupidly, I knelt down beside her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. Her soft skin made my lips tingle again, and I felt her pull in a little closer. I loved it when she did that, though it just made everything else ten times worse. She was just fuelling my delusions.  
"Stay in La Push, and I'll be back in a few hours, and we'll spend some time together, alright?" I told her, reaching down to touch her face. I expected her to slap it away, but she looked so sad, I don't think she cared at this point. She was too distracted by thoughts I didn't even understand.  
"Come home soon," she said, and I smiled.  
"I promise," I responded, and I was out of the house without a second glance back. If she looked at me one more time with that sad little look on her face, I might just change my mind. I phased quickly, and Sam's voice met me right away.

_She tried to push through, she ran into Paul and we think he hurt her pretty badly. She ran off before I had a chance to get to him. I don't think she'll be trying anything like that anytime soon.  
And Paul? Is he alright? _I had to admit, I was worried.  
_He's alright. He went home to rest. _Sam responded. That's good. I think Bella probably would have melted away to nothing if she found out someone had gotten hurt.  
_How is Bella, by the way? Safe on the reservation?  
Yeah, she's at my place. _I replied. I tried not to think of Bella as I ran through the forest, patrolling, even though that bloodsucker probably wouldn't be back for a while.  
_Maybe, but we still have to have precautions. _Sam was right. We couldn't let our guard down for a minute, otherwise Bella could be killed. I couldn't handle that.  
_So any news this morning, Jake? Make out with vampire girl again today? _Embry's voice suddenly came. I felt my thoughts wander through the awkward conversation in her truck, and I heard Embry laugh.  
_Too bad! _he responded to the thoughts. I growled. This was the last thing I needed. Bella had the ability to pull my heart out and throw it away, but right now, she just had her hand in my chest and she was squeezing it, tightly, hurting, but keeping it beating nonetheless.  
_Nice imagery, Jake. Now come on, we're supposed to be doing a job here. _Sam's voice came again, and I had forgotten to control my thoughts again. I tried to forget about my personal problems with Bella for the moment, I could deal with those again when I turned back into a human. For now, I had to make sure that this leech didn't get through to hurt her.  
_Lets go take a look at the place Paul got her, maybe we can tell just how hurt she is? _I asked, and I felt Sam beside me suddenly, leading me.

_She screamed pretty intensely when he got her, but I haven't had a look myself yet. _Sam explained. Sam suddenly came a slow, and here we were. There were a few broken trees and it looked like a battleground. There was scattered flesh on the ground when I took a closer look, and it looked like Paul had ripped her up pretty badly. But he hadn't gotten her, not really. She was still out there somewhere, nursing her wounds, and she would heal. She had Bella's whole life to wait. But we could wait too.  
_Do you think she'd wait that long again? _Embry replied to my thoughts. I could tell he was restless with getting things thing, and I was too. But if I had to wait, I would.  
_I'll wait, I just want to get this thing. Plus it'd be nice to get a good night's sleep again. _He added with a laugh.  
_Embry, if you're really tired, you can go home. We'll get Quil out here today. _Sam told Embry. Quil. Yeah, if he's not too busy with Claire.  
_Burn_. I heard Embry laugh.  
_That's not fair, Jacob. You know he's imprinted, it's not a choice. And it's not as though he's been slacking off. _Sam's reasoning calmed me down. He was right. I hadn't imprinted, but, what Bella and I had was almost the same. Unfortunately, she could resist my love.  
_Maybe you did imprint, and, you just didn't know it? _Embry laughed at me again.  
_Don't get upset Jacob. It will distract you. _Sam told me. As always, Sam was right. We continued to patrol for a few more hours, and I heard Sam speak up again.  
_Go spend some time with Bella. She needs someone with her, anyway. And you need to cheer up. _Sam told me, thankfully. I'd specifically been having terrible thoughts, depressing thoughts, hoping they'd let me go to see her. Not that I really needed their permission.  
_Go kiss and make up. _Embry joked. _And if you see Quil, tell him to phase.  
It's alright. I'll go get him now. _Sam interjected. I silently agreed, and made my way back to my place.

I phased back into a human, and the voices went quiet again. It was good to have my mind back to myself. I slipped on some track pants I had stashed outside, and hesitated. I hoped that Bella had cheered up a little.  
I walked in and found her sitting on the couch where I'd left her, watching television silently. She looked a little bored with it, and as soon as she noticed me, she jumped up and grinned. She looked a little crazy, actually. What had changed her mind so much?  
"You're okay," she sighed, almost breathlessly, relieved. I nodded.  
"Paul had a run in with the leech just this morning while I was driving you down here, he wasn't hurt," I added quickly, seeing the look on her face.  
"What happened?" she asked, she still looked worried. But I could tell she was more worried about Paul that she was about her own safety.  
"He cut her up pretty badly by the looks of things. He's at home sleeping now, he's alright. But Sam doesn't think she'll try again for a while yet, and next time we'll get her." I explained, clenching my fist. I could tell she was still worried, I wanted to hold her and keep her safe myself. She stayed silent, so I decided I would put my arms around her after all. She didn't push me away, she snuggled into my further and put her arms around me, across my back. My chin rested on her hair, I wanted to stay like this with Bella forever.  
"So, what do you want to do with the afternoon?" I asked, letting her go so she wouldn't think I'm getting fresh with her. Though she looked just as torn when she took her hands back, reluctantly.  
"Can we do something outside, I'm sick of being stuck indoors," she smiled, and I laughed.  
"Sure, the beach?" I asked, putting an arm around her and leading her outdoors. She seemed much more normal than she'd been this morning; maybe she forgot about the kiss. I wish I could forget as easily as she seemed to.  
"The beach sounds great," she replied, and we exited the house together.

I had to admit, I felt a little jumpy being outdoors with Bella. I knew the reservation was safe, but it still made me feel uneasy. The fact that the bloodsucker had the guts to attack Paul in his wolf form, I didn't want to think about what she'd do if she saw me and Bella walking on the beach together, unprotected. The only way she'd make it to the beach would be through the water, though. I still didn't trust myself, yet, though. Not in human form, anyway.

Bella took my hand again, clinging onto it tightly as we walked across the beach slowly. Being with Bella made me really confused sometimes. I wanted to be just her best friend, the way I know she wanted it to be, but I wanted so much more from her. I tried to forget about the attack this morning, and I figured while my head was mine alone, I'd let me thoughts go wild over Bella. I looked at her, thinking about the feel of her lips against mine when we'd kissed, the way her lips had felt against the skin on my shoulder, and I shivered. She hadn't noticed me looking at her before that, because she gave me a confused look.  
"Are you cold?" she asked. I could have laughed if I wasn't so nervous these days. I placed my hand on her face, and she looked up at me timidly.  
"Do I feel cold to you?" I asked. I tried to smile but it must have come across as weak, because she looked away. I took my hand back, and I felt her let go of my other hand.  
"Sorry," she muttered. Did she think she offended me? I'd tried to be pleasant. I reached out and took her hand in mine anyway. She smiled up at me, and I led her across the beach to a piece of driftwood, where we sat for a moment. Just sitting made me realise how tired I was again already. As much as I wanted to go home, lie down and fall asleep, I just couldn't. There was too much to think about. I knew we'd get this bloodsucker eventually, but the strain it was putting on Bella was really beginning to worry me. That kiss yesterday had been the perfect distraction for me, probably for her too. If only it was distracting me in a different way than it was right now.  
"Don't worry about us, Bells. We'll be fine," I said, trying to be calm. We would be fine. It was Bella I was worried about. Why wasn't she?  
"I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'm so worried about you, Jake. I don't know what I'd do if -"  
"Bella, don't worry about me. I can take care of myself," I said, wrapping an arm around her. She was shivering, I wanted to keep her warm. I wanted to protect her.  
"I know, but this is all my fault," she whispered. Was she going to cry again? I really hated it when Bella cried.  
"It's not your fault, it's -" I stopped. I don't know how she'd react if I said his name. "His." I finished. She stiffened instantly, and I didn't really want to know what she was thinking. I already regretting saying it, only because it made her upset. Though she had to hear it. She kept blaming herself, but it was his! It was all his fault. He should have just left her alone.  
"You shouldn't put yourself in danger because of me," she muttered. She still didn't get it. We were born to do this! This is what we're made for. I wanted to yell at her, but instead I just held her closer to me. We stayed there for a while, just being quiet, it seemed as though she didn't want to talk about it any longer.

Not long after she got to her feet, took my hands and pulled me up playfully. She smiled down at me, her mood had changed so suddenly, I couldn't help but feel confused.  
"Can we go home? I'm cold," she said, and I laughed.  
"Sure, let's go," I replied, taking her hand again and pulling her across the beach. We walked slowly back to my house. She was still quiet, but a lot more cheerful than before.  
"Are you going to be, outside, tonight?" she asked, glancing up at me. I nodded.  
"Yeah," I responded. Even though I was tired, I couldn't stay away. We needed to get this leech before I could ever sleep soundlessly again.  
"Thank you Jacob. You're the only one who makes me feel safe anymore," she responded, and gripped my hand a little tighter. I tried not to think about the kiss we shared, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to kiss her again, I wanted her to want to kiss me, not force herself the way she had.  
"I just want you to be safe," I replied. I didn't know what else to say, there was plenty I wanted to say, but probably nothing she wanted to hear. She stayed silent until we got back to my place, and she took her usual seat on our couch.

I sat down beside her, and she instantly put her head on my shoulder, so I slid my arm around her and rested my hand on her arm, pulling her in a little closer. I switched on the television, but I didn't bother to watch it. I couldn't help but think of that kiss between me and Bella, I couldn't get the thought of her dreaming about me out of my head. The way she'd said it: _my Jacob_. I hadn't had time to think about it earlier because of the guys teasing me, but now that I had my thoughts to myself, I felt a little bit embarrassed. What had she been actually dreaming about.  
"Bella?" I asked, quietly. She glanced up at me.  
"Yeah?" she replied. I swallowed, wondering if I should be asking her this. Should I tell her what she heard? Would she be mad at me?  
"Did you know you talk in your sleep?" I asked, looking down at her. I saw her go red, and she looked away from me.  
"I know, I," she hesitated, biting her lip. She didn't move away from me, I even felt her snuggle in a little bit closer.  
"You say my name," I said quietly. Did I really just say that? She pulled away from me suddenly, and shot a look up at me. She looked absolutely horrified. What had I just said to her?  
"No, I don't," she said, shaking her head. Though she didn't look as though she believed herself.  
"You do," I grinned. She just shook her head again.  
"No, I - besides, when would you have even heard?" she asked, glaring at me. I hesitated. Lie or the truth?  
"I had to check on you last night. You scared us all half to death with your nightmare screaming. After you fell asleep again, I heard you. You said _my Jacob_," I replied. I sort of wanted to laugh, her reaction was funnier than I thought it would be. But at the same time, it was sort of sad.  
"You checked on me?" she exclaimed. I shrugged.  
"We were all freaked, I just had to make sure you were okay," I replied. It was true.  
"And you heard me say your name?" she asked. I nodded slowly. I couldn't really tell if she was angry, or upset, or just embarrassed.  
"Bells?" I wanted a reaction from her. I wanted her to say something else, explain, anything.  
"Well, I -"

That's when we heard it. I recognised it as Sam's howl, and I straightened up right away. Bella stopped mid-sentence, and stared at the door.  
"I have to go," I said, standing up instantly.  
"When will you be back?" she asked, but I was already at the door. I looked at her, wishing I didn't have to go. But the pack had news. Sam needed me.  
"I'll try to be back soon. Someone will be here to take you home anyway," I replied quickly, and without waiting for her response, I was out the door, phased and on my way to meet Sam.


	3. May I Kiss You?

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Waaa, my laptop charger has burnt out, so my fanfics will be updated a lot slower, sadly. I'm only uploading now because I was able to borrow my friend's charger who has the same one, but only for today! *sad* Hopefully I'll be able to get a replacement charger soon so I can upload quicker lol. Anywayssss enjoy the chapter, and I hope y'all enjoying it! :D  
Review kindly? :)

I ran forward to meet Sam, roaming edgily around the border.  
_She attacked again, she was weak, but she made an impression - Quil got hurt, but he's healing. _Sam explained. Oh God - what else had happened?  
_We got her, Jacob. We finally got her. _Sam sounded relieved, and I couldn't blame him. That bloodsucker was gone, she was finally gone. Who killed her?  
_I did. _Came Leah's voice. That was a shock, and I heard her growl.  
_Leah… _Sam began.  
_He doesn't think I can kill the damned bloodsucker, does he? I did more than he did, sitting at home with his vampire loving girlfriend. _Okay, that was crossing the line. She came into view with me and Sam, and I growled, glaring over at her.  
_If you'd been out here, you could have done it yourself. _Sam didn't interrupt, but just stood between us, watching. Seth came into view then, obviously he'd been listening. The two of them hadn't been involved a lot lately, so I was shocked both of them were out and phased, fighting the leech.  
_Don't get mad, Jake. Just be happy that we got her and that she's gone. _He said, trying to calm us down. _Leah, please.  
Stay out of this, Seth. I'm sick of this crap, I'm going home. _She said, growling at me once more and running off. I tried to listen to her thoughts, but she wasn't thinking about anything worth listening to at all. I heard her howl once more, and then she disappeared.  
_Sorry Jacob. _Seth didn't need to apologise for his sister, he couldn't help that about her.  
_It all happened so quick, otherwise we would have called you, Jacob. _Sam explained. It seems as though everyone had jumped to the conclusion that I was mad about not being able to take out the leech myself. I would have preferred to be the one to do it, but I was just so relieved that she was gone.  
_We all feel the same. Go home, Jacob. Tell Bella, I'm sure she's worried. _Sam told me. He was right. Bella needed to know as soon as she could. I'd left her without giving her any information, although, I didn't really have any to give her. But now I could explain that the leech was gone, and everything was fine. I'd just, omit the fact that Quil had gotten hurt. Quil - was he alright?  
_He's alright, just a few scratches, he'll be fine. _Sam confirmed. I'm sure it was more than that, but the less I knew, the less I could tell Bella, and the less she could worry. I'd head by to see Quil that evening, but for now, I'd deal with Bella first.

I left Sam and Seth then, running back to my house. I phased outside, took the cloths I'd left behind, and walked back in through the door. Like earlier, Bella got up and rushed over to me. Instead of speaking, she just wrapped her arms around me instantly, and pushed herself against me.  
"I heard a howl - are you alright?" she asked, her voice quiet. She didn't move, so I placed my arms around her, trying to be comforting. There was no reasons left for Bella to be frightened. No reasons for her to be guilty.  
"I'm fine, Bella, I'm fine," I told her, just enjoying the moment. I couldn't help but smile to myself, and I sighed into her hair.  
"Then?"  
"We got her. She's gone," I breathed, and I felt her move away. She looked up at me, staring, almost as though she couldn't believe it.  
"She's gone?" she asked, biting her lip. I grinned, and she hesitated, smiling slightly. Without thinking, I pushed forward and kissed her, crushing my lips against hers. I felt her tighten her mouth, but she didn't move away. I felt her half surrender, and her lips push against mine in return, and I softened. I felt her place a hand on my chest. The feel of her lips, the touch of her hand, it was driving me crazy. I tried to force a reaction out of her then, trying to part her lips with mine, but she wasn't budging. I put my arms up to her shoulders and held her there, trying to stop her from pulling her away.  
But she did, turning her head from me and looking away. I wanted to apologise, only because I knew that was probably what she wanted to hear. But I didn't have the heart to say it - because I didn't mean it. Not one bit. I still held her there, but she wouldn't look up at me. Things were beginning to get awkward, we were just standing there, not saying anything. I was watching her, waiting for a reaction, for anything. But nothing. She just kept looking away, standing there stiffly, refusing to move.  
"Bella?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't cry. She shot her eyes up to mine, and I'm sure she was trying to look angry.  
"Don't you ever ask permission?" she asked, her voice croaking. "Do you just go around kissing whoever you damn well feel like?" she tried to yell, but it came out strained. All she wanted was for me to ask? She'd been the one to kiss me yesterday, she didn't ask my permission, she just went ahead and did it. What was I supposed to do? Ignore it?  
"Permission?" I asked, wanting her to explain. I raised my eyebrows. She looked as though she was fighting back tears, and she tried to escape my grasp. But instead I just held her there, I didn't want her running out and leaving. She had that clearance now that the leech was gone - I had no reason to keep her here. I had no incentive left.  
"Please may I kiss you, something like that?" she raised her voice louder, sniffing. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't think of anything to say besides:  
"Please may I kiss you?" I asked, smiling softly down at her. She scrunched her eyes closed, trying to pull away from me again. She didn't want me to kiss her? She didn't want to kiss me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Why was she so confusing? I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to push her away from me and tell her to leave. But I couldn't do any of it. She wouldn't reply to me, she wouldn't answer. What did she want?I felt my grip loosen, and I let her go. She turned completely away from me and took her jacket from the couch.  
"I have to go," she said nervously, trying to walk to the door.  
"Bella, don't go," I replied, standing in front of the door. I was so, so tired, but I didn't want her to leave like this. I needed to sort things out with her, I couldn't sleep until I figured out what she wanted from me.  
"I have to," she said.  
"What do you want, Bella? Do you want me?" I asked, looking down at her. I don't know how I must have looked, because she looked like she might cry again. And sure enough, instead of replying right away, tears formed in her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I didn't want her to reply, I wanted her to leave, and I didn't want to hear what she had to say about me at all. I didn't want to know any of it. I wanted to forget about it. But I needed to know.  
"I want you to be happy," she said quietly. It was almost a whisper, and the tears were spilling over her cheeks. I tried to smile.  
"I just want you to be happy, Bells," I replied. It was true, but, I'd prefer that she was happy with me. I doubted that would ever be the case, though. She just sighed, and wiped the tears away from her face, though they continued to spill over. I wanted to touch her, but I was scared. I was scared of her pushing me away, again.  
"I don't know how to be happy yet, Jacob. Give me time," she breathed, and she tried to get past me again.  
"I'll drive you," I said instantly. Even though there was nothing to worry about anymore, I still felt so protective.

She didn't object, and she followed me outside and into her truck. She slid in beside me, staring out the passenger window as I started the engine.  
"I'm really sorry, Jacob," she said. I half shrugged, I didn't want an apology. I just wanted an explanation. But I knew she couldn't give that to me right now, and so I'd give her time.  
"Take you're time, Bella. I'll be waiting," I replied. That must have sounded way creepier than I meant it to, but I knew she'd understand. I could wait forever, as long as I phased, I wouldn't age. She didn't say anything for a long time, and before I knew it, I pulled up outside of her house. The sun was already setting, it was getting dark quickly. I felt as though I wanted to linger, even though there was nothing to worry about, merely out of concern for Bella's emotions. I wanted to hear her say my name again in her dreams, but, I didn't want to hear the screams. Bella just made me confused.  
"Thanks. Did you want to check inside?" she asked, glancing up at me before getting out of the truck.  
"Why would I?" I asked, trying to smile. She looked embarrassed.  
"Right, sorry. I'm just so used to -"  
"It's alright, Bells. But your home is safe, I can't smell anything," I stopped her, and I got out of the car. She got out after me, and stared at me, but didn't object. I walked her to the door, and I took her hand. I expected her to pull away again, but nothing. It was this sort of stuff that confused me.  
"Goodnight Jacob," she said, looking up at me. She looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, but I'd gone and placed another one just as heavy. I should never have kissed her, I shouldn't have tried to rush her.  
"Goodnight," I breathed, but I didn't move. Honestly, I was waiting for her to say something else. But she just waited, awkwardly, for me to leave.  
"Bella, if you ever, if you ever want me to kiss you - just, just ask," I stuttered, feeling stupid.  
She just stared, and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I knew she'd never ask me, but, I needed her to know that I wanted to kiss her. Anytime, anytime she wanted to kiss me, I'd be there.  
"Okay," she said quietly. She looked timid then, embarrassed, and I felt even more stupid. She obviously hadn't want to hear that. I tried to smile and I kissed the top of her head, walking away from her house. I watched as she entered, and instantly I phased.

_Why aren't you resting? _Seth asked suddenly, and I groaned. I didn't want to think about all that had just happened. But of course, I let my mind wander, and Seth saw the lot of it.  
_Oh, I'm sorry Jacob. She'll come around. _He wasn't going to convince me.  
_Why aren't you resting, Seth? _I asked, realising he should be resting too.  
_I can't. I'm just, I'm restless. Besides, I'm on my way to see Quil. I'll meet you there? _Quil, that's right.  
_Sure, I'll see you there._

Seth beat me there, and we phased back once we arrived, and entered Quil's house together.  
"You reckon he'll be okay?" Seth asked me, looking worried. I nodded.  
"A few scratches, sure, he'll be fine!" I responded. Honestly, I hadn't seen the injuries. So how would I know?  
"You didn't see them, who knows what they look like in human form," Seth replied, as though he'd read my mind. Okay, that wasn't very comforting, Seth. We walked into Quil's bedroom, and he was lying on his bed, but he was grinning at us.  
"Hey guys!" he said, enthusiastically.  
"How you feeling?" I asked, walking up to stand beside him. Quil was almost glowing, and the scars across his face were a bright pink.  
"Excellent, we got the sucker!" he said, pulling himself up so he was sitting. I noticed the scars reaching down his neck and across his whole chest, they were very slowly healing. Quil still had dried blood on his hands, I noticed. His blood.  
"I know, great isn't it," Seth piped up, grinning over at us. Quil smiled, but it faded quickly.  
"I'm sorry guys," he said suddenly, and I certainly didn't expect an apology from him.  
"I almost let her through,"  
"No, Quil, you were great!" Seth responded before I had a chance to say anything. Quil grimaced.  
"Regardless, she's gone. You did a good job, so did Leah. We don't have to worry about her anymore," I replied. He smiled back, and he relaxed a little.  
"You're right. Now, you two, go home and rest. You've been up for days, Jake," he replied, punching me in the arm. I just laughed. He was right. I needed to get some sleep before I decided to do something stupid like kiss Bella again. I left Quil's then, phasing and returning home. I collapsed into bed and within moments I was asleep.

I opened my eyes. I was on the beach, with Bella. I was so tired. She was sitting beside me, her head on my shoulder, her own eyes were closed. Her hand was holding onto mine, but her skin was freezing cold. I let my own head rest against hers, and soon enough, I felt my eyes close again. I needed to rest. Suddenly, I heard a noise, and I felt Bella missing from beside me. When I opened my eyes again, the beach was foggy, grey, and I couldn't see anything. I squinted, and stood up.  
"Bella?" I called, feeling scared. She would never have left me just sitting there, sleeping. She'd never leave without waking me. Was something wrong? I called her name again, and I heard an echo reply to me; though my echo sounded different, unlike me. I began walking towards where I'd heard it, and I heard that voice. It was muffled, but it sounded familiar. I recognised it, but I wasn't sure who the voice belonged to. I couldn't tell what they were saying, it sounded as though they were far away. But they were so close at the same time. I was so close. I kept walking, and suddenly the fog parted, and I saw him.  
Edward was standing there, his arms wrapped around Bella, holding her against him. She didn't look scared, she looked sort of happy, but at the same time, sort of sad. She looked at me, she tried to mouth something but I couldn't understand. She was trying to tell me something, so I called her name again. Edward echoed me, and he smiled. I could see his fangs, glimmering at me, and without warning he sunk them into Bella's neck. She let out a soft whimper, but she didn't object. She actually seemed to be enjoying it. I tried to look away, but something was forcing me to watch. It was horrifying. Bella's body went limp and she fell to the ground, but I couldn't see her anymore. I was looking at Edward. He was laughing at me, the blood was still glistening from his fangs, and he wiped the small line that was dripping down to his chin with his finger, and licking it clean.  
"Where's Bella?" I asked, but I knew the answer. She was gone. Edward laughed coldly at me, but then he was gone as well. I was alone on the beach again, calling out Bella's name. I was searching wildly for her, but I couldn't find her. I suddenly heard her call my name, and when I turned, I saw her lying on the ground, drained of her blood.

I sat up. I was sweating, and I couldn't get the image of Bella's pale, dead body out of my head. That was the worst nightmare I'd ever had. It was too early to be up, but I couldn't sleep. I just laid back down, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about that nightmare. Why was I dreaming about Edward? I had no reason to be worried about Edward, no reason to be worried about Bella being a vampire - or worse. I wanted to see her now, make sure she was still human, see that she was alive and well. She wouldn't mind if I just checked up on her - surely? She'd never even know. I got up out of bed and left the house, phasing and making my way towards Forks. I almost expected to hear Sam's voice greet me, but nothing. He was finally getting some rest himself. He really earned it. I arrived outside Bella's house, and I phased back into my human form and climbed up to her window. I sat beside the window, outside, waiting to hear. I was scared to look at her. I sat there for about half an hour, contemplating whether or not to actually go inside. I couldn't hear if she was saying anything. The only way I would hear her would be to go inside. I took the plunge and slipped the window open, sliding through and creeping in to stand beside her. This would really scare her if she woke up, but, I couldn't leave now. She had colour in her cheeks, she was alive - this was what I needed to see.  
"My Jacob," she whispered, shifting slightly. I smiled, praying to hear more. She answered my prayers, whispering my name again.  
I noticed the sun beginning to rise, but I waited a little longer. When Bella began to stir, I pulled myself out the window and phased. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay here with Bella, but I had to leave. I went home, and climbed back into bed. I wasn't tired now, I was too troubled by the nightmare. Even now, I tried not to worry about the nightmare. It was only a dream, Bella was fine. She was safe, I would protect her if Edward ever came back. I would protect her no matter what.


	4. Does She Want Me To Suffer?

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** OMG OMG OMG! I'm back :D Hahahaha. Finally!! I managed to get another charger, FINALLY, and I managed to write some of this at work. Lols. So I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you haven't all given up on my fanfic just yet. :) Thanks for all the support while I was gone! And I'm sorry again for the wait!  
Kindly review :)

Now that our mission protecting Bella from a murderous vampire was over, there was very little left to do. Even being phased just seemed like an invasion of privacy rather than a legitimate cause, since there was nothing to do besides listen to each others thoughts. And being caught thinking about Bella's sleep-talking, Bella's reaction to my forced kiss, wasn't exactly fun. I'd grown accustomed to visiting Bella at night, climbing quietly into her room and listening to her dream about me, and I think the rest of the pack phased when I did just to laugh at me for it. I knew not to go to her house before the early hours of the morning, since that was when the nightmares usually occurred. Sam stayed phased a lot, still. He often reminded us that just because this particular bloodsucker was dead, doesn't mean there weren't more out there. Another could strike at any time, and we'd have to be ready to track it. We couldn't get slack.  
But I wasn't exactly thinking about that right now. Since the leech was gone, the threat was gone, I'd lost my cause to see Bella every waking hour. She'd hardly said two words to me since I told her that if she wanted to kiss me, she need only ask. It was beginning to get a bit awkward, especially since I did feel a little bit guilty that I was spying on her every night. I was trying to think of a way to fix our relationship - our friendship, I should say - and to get back to where we were before she'd kissed me. I knew I could never forget that moment, I could never let it go, but I was willing to ignore it for the sake of our friendship. I didn't want it to ruin us. She told me she needed time, but, I knew she'd be taking a lot of that. I knew that her bloodsucker boyfriend had really screwed her up, but was it really this bad? It had been months since he'd left, she was even beginning to look normal again. How much more time would she need?

It was that nightmare that really had me jittery. It wasn't the first time I'd dreamt of Bella and the bloodsucker, but this one was a lot different. It had felt so real, the image of her enjoying her death, it was all too much to stand. I tried not to think about it, but it haunted me whenever I stopped thinking too intensely. Sam had told me not to worry about it, that it was normal, that it was just a nightmare. But I couldn't help but think it was an omen, that something terrible was about to happen, something the pack couldn't handle. Something a hundred times worse than a vicious vampire bent on revenge. Sam dismissed my thoughts, but I could tell he was nervous as well. Maybe I was just like Leah, and I was strangely satisfied when I was making the whole pack as uncertain as I was. Maybe I wanted everyone to be as depressed as I was.

On Saturday night, I resisted the temptation to spy on Bella again, and instead went straight to bed. I was scared to sleep, scared to see Bella the way she was in my nightmares instead of my dreams. But I couldn't stay awake forever, and I promised myself that if I slept tonight, I would go to Forks in the morning and see her. That was enough to convince my body to give in, and eventually I was asleep.  
When I woke up, it was morning, and I'd slept the whole night through without any nightmares about Bella's death, or about the terror I had predicted. It probably was all in my head, as Sam had said, and I was just being paranoid. I was used to protecting Bella from the worst kind of evil, I was used to being the hero, but now that it was all over, I was having trouble settling back into our normal teenage lives. Well, as normal as my life could get, anyway.  
I got up and went outside. I phased as soon as my feet touched the dirt, and instantly Sam's voice met mine.  
_No spying on Bella last night?_ He sounded a little shocked. It had been hard for me not to spy on her last night, but I knew I had to sleep sometime.  
_That's right! It's good your getting some rest! _Seth sounded a bit too enthusiastic this early in the morning, was there another bloodsucker on the loose?  
_No, Seth is just trying to stay in focus. _Sam explained. I was making my way to Forks quickly, and any minute now I'd have to phase back into human form and try to talk to Bella.  
_It'll be okay, I'm sure she'll come around. _Seth replied to my thoughts, though he did sound a little sad. I think everyone knew by now that Bella was going to break my heart.  
_Jacob, don't think like that. _Sam responded. How could I not? It was hard to be optimistic when she had been so awkward with me.  
_She does dream about you. _Seth pointed out. That was true, she did dream about me. "My Jacob," she says. Mine. I was hers. But, I suppose, that would just make it worse when she finally did reject me. I heard Sam sigh - God, I was like Leah.  
_It's alright Jacob. You're not like Leah. Make me a promise, _he began, but hesitated. Promise?  
_If we listen to your wailing now, just promise that when you and Bella finally do get together, to keep any disgusting thoughts you have about her out of our heads too!  
_Seth laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh as well. But I think we were laughing for different reasons. I was laughing at the very idea of Bella and I ever having a chance to be together.

I phased back before Sam had a chance to scold me, and slipped on the jeans I'd brought with me. I heaved a deep sigh, and walked around the side of Bella's house to her front door. I knew this was going to be awkward, since we haven't spoken since that day. I knocked on the door and shifted slightly on my feet. She was sure taking her sweet time in answering the - oh. She just stared at me, she half looked like she just woke up, but she was dressed.  
"Jacob," she breathed, and she looked a little shocked to see me. Last week, I would have walked in without knocking, but now there was so much tension between us. It was just awful. She smiled, and I was taken aback. Bella was smiling at me?  
"How are you, Bells?" I asked. I was going to try and make this as normal as possible. She just kept on smiling, and moved aside to let me in. I walked past her, but hovered by the door that she was now closing.  
"I'm good, how are you?" she asked, leaning against the door. She glanced up at me, and smiled again. I couldn't help but smile back, because now when I looked at Bella, I could imagine her saying my name in her dreams, I could imagine the soft taste of her lips, I could imagine -  
"I'm good," I replied to her, to stop my own thoughts before I did something stupid like try to kiss her again. She just smiled and led me into the lounge room, and we sat down together. I felt nervous, and the fact that she chose to sit all the way on the other side of the couch just made it worse. I reminded myself that just because she wasn't all over me, didn't mean she hated me. She'd let me inside after all, she'd smiled at me. It was my name she whispered in her dreams, not the blood-suckers. He just made her scream. She seemed to be just as nervous, maybe she thought I hated her. Maybe she thought I was mad because she hadn't kissed me back, or something stupid like that. I don't know. Bella really, really confused me.  
"So," she began, biting her lip. I think she was trying to kill me, because when I did look over at her, she was looking at me so earnestly, so sweetly, so perfectly, I just wanted to hold her. But I was too scared to even touch her.  
"So is everything okay? No bloodsucker attacks?" I asked, trying to keep the mood light. She grinned, and even let out a small laugh.  
"I wish you wouldn't call them that. And no, no attacks," she replied. I still couldn't understand why she was so protective of them. The one she loved had left her, and the one we'd killed had tried to kill her. She had no good experiences to speak of, so, I couldn't understand.  
"That's good," I responded. Her face suddenly changed.  
"Why, there aren't any - after me, again, are there?" she asked. She didn't look scared, but sort of, concerned. I couldn't exactly figure it out.  
"No, no," I rushed. Knowing Bella, she was probably more worried about the pack's stamina, having to take on another leech so quickly after being worn out by the first. I didn't want her to worry, that was my job.  
"That's good. Um, I never asked you, but was anyone hurt?" she looked terrified now, and her hands were fidgeting on her lip. She avoided my glance, and truthfully, I didn't know what to tell her. Sure, Quil had been hurt, but it wasn't exactly serious.  
"Quil got, scratched, but he's healed already so it wasn't bad," I heard myself tell her. Did I just tell her that? What was wrong with me? She looked crushed, almost like she was about to cry. I felt like I had no control over my body, because I slid a little closer to her and put my arm around her, and I felt her bury her head into my chest as she wrapped her arms around me.  
"Is he going to be okay?" she whispered, not looking up. I felt myself laugh.  
"He's already okay, Bells. It was just a few scratches, I'm not sugar-coating it," I responded. Okay so they were pretty deep scratches, and there were a lot of them. But that meant nothing to someone like Quil. She let go of me, but pressed her hands against my bare chest, one was colder than the other but I hardly noticed. She looked up at me and held her perfect gaze, she searched my eyes for a moment, as though she was making sure I was telling the truth. I could feel my own heartbeat rushing, her hands on me, I could tell this would be painful.

I wanted to ask her, I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to get rejection over and done with, while the pack had time to waste. But I couldn't bear to say anything to her, I didn't want her to cry, or to get awkward, or to get angry. I just wanted her to be happy, so to do that, I had to keep my mouth shut.  
"So, we go back to school soon, right?" I asked. What a stupid conversation, who cares about school? I think school would have been the last thing on her mind.  
"Oh, yeah, I suppose. Thank God I've done all my homework," she added with a laugh, and relaxed back into the couch, taking her hands back. Her body was right beside me, brushing mine whenever one of us shifted, but she didn't seem troubled by my skin touching hers. I was glad that I didn't revolt her that much, at least.  
"I haven't done any of mine, I don't even know if I got any," I responded. That was the truth too, it wasn't as though I was overly interested in school. I had my life already set out for me, and school wouldn't exactly help. She just laughed, and looked up at me again.  
"Somehow this doesn't feel real," she said, suddenly. I felt my heart skip a beat - oh God, here was the talk. I struggled to swallow for a moment, and responded.  
"What do you mean?" I knew exactly what she meant. She tilted her head slightly, a smile creeping up to her lips.  
"I still feel like you're protecting me, like Victoria is still here. I forget that I'm safe," she said, and I heaved a sigh of relief.  
"Oh," I let slip. She looked confused.  
"Oh? What did you think I was going to say?" she asked, her brows pushing together. I just laughed.  
"Nothing important!" I replied, grinning over at her. She just sighed, and sniffed.  
"I don't know, I still feel like, there's more to come," she said. I felt a shiver go through me, and I stared at her.  
"Tell me," I demanded, and she looked a little scared at my reaction. I felt my own body stiffen as I leant forward to make her talk.  
"I have, just, I don't know, a feeling," she shrugged. I tried to think, I tried to clear my head, but all I could think about was my own terrible feeling, too. Even the way Sam had began to feel uneasy as well, and now Bella, too. But she was still looking at me, scared, so I tried to smile.  
"Don't worry Bells, we're here to protect you. I always will be," I added, touching her arm. She looked away, and I could tell she wanted to move my hand away, but she was probably trying to spare my feelings.  
"You don't have to do that for me, Jacob. I'm not worth it," she said quietly. As cruel as it sounded, I could understand where she was coming from. If her bloodsucker boyfriend ever came back, I'm sure she'd betray us within seconds, and she'd return to him. She'd betray me. But what she didn't understand was that I would forgive her, I would always be here waiting for her, I'd always love her no matter what happened. Even though I'm sure I made it crystal clear, maybe she was too ignorant to see it. No, she just didn't want to see it. I chose not to reply, but I pulled her into a hug, holding my arms around her. She softened against me, and I could smell her hair at my chin, I could feel her breath on my chest. She didn't push me away, she just let me hold her. I knew she wasn't ready for me, she wasn't ready for whatever was going to happen, but I would be. Whatever doom was coming our way, I'd keep her safe no matter what it took, even if it took my life.

She walked me out to the porch, and she pulled herself up against me and into my arms. This rejection was really, really going to hurt. But I tried not to think about it. I just wanted to enjoy this moment, I wanted to enjoy this hug from Bella. I'd have to treat every moment with her as though it were my last, because right now, I didn't trust anything.  
"Be careful, Jacob," she said to me when she let me go. I just grinned.  
"What do I need to be careful from?" I asked, and she looked bashful. There was nothing to fear yet.  
"I don't know, your teachers?" she asked, and I couldn't help but laugh.  
"How about I bring over my homework this afternoon, and you do it for me?" I asked, still grinning. She pretended to think for a moment.  
"Sure," she replied.  
"Any good at native American languages? Since, we're forced to learn our native tongue," I responded. That was probably the worst thing about school, since, I'm not good at learning new things, especially not languages. My dad had tried to teach me, and I'd picked up a little. But it was a dying language, and it was probably our generation killing it - we didn't have time for languages. We were too busy killing vampires.  
"I'm sure I could pick it up pretty quickly," she joked.  
"Well, I guess, I'll get out of your hair," I replied, and her smile faded quickly.  
"You don't have to, but, you should probably do your homework," she said, and she looked a bit sad. As much as I wanted to stay, I didn't want to crowd her. I didn't want to be pushy with her, and besides, we weren't anything but friends. Friends go home eventually. I'd made her spend almost every moment of her vacation either with me, or down at the reservation, it was no wonder that she hadn't bothered to call me back a few days after the bloodsucker was killed, she was probably just enjoying her freedom. I had a feeling I'd been reading way too much into me and Bella, and I should probably just leave it alone. Give her some space. Even though I didn't want to.

I kissed her forehead and waited until she went inside before I phased. Sam and Seth met me again, and it seemed like nobody else had decided to join them. I half wondered where the others were, but decided I didn't care. I was already letting my mind wander through what had just happened with Bella, and I was glad I didn't have a large audience.  
_You really have to find a way to control your thoughts, Jacob. _Sam told me, and I couldn't help but laugh. I wasn't sure how Sam did it, but, somehow I couldn't keep them from spilling over.  
_Bella is scared of something, too? _Seth seemed to have been paying more attention than Sam.  
_She's just getting used to being safe again. It doesn't mean anything, and you shouldn't worry so much. _Sam's uncertainty seemed to have disappeared, and I had to admit, that did put me at ease a little.  
_Do you think you'll imprint on her someday, Jacob? _Seth had just asked one of those difficult questions. Instantly I felt Sam's thoughts stiffen, and he was feeling uncomfortable. Seth seemed to be already regretting the question, but I could understand why he asked. I wanted to choose my thoughts carefully, but he could already hear everything. I didn't know if I'd ever imprint on Bella. But I did know she was the one for me. I didn't need imprinting to tell me that. So frankly, I didn't care if I imprinted or not. It wouldn't change a lot. Although it would probably help me out a lot, seeing as though when one of us did imprint, the girl found us completely irresistible. It was pretty hard to ignore that amount of devotion, but I had to hand it to Bella, she was doing a damn fine job.  
_She's still getting over him. You can't expect her to change overnight. _Sam was trying to be comforting.  
_Yeah I mean, look at Leah. No offence, Sam. _Seth added. That was true. Leah was still cut up, and even though I didn't want to think about it while Sam could hear, her pain didn't go away overnight.  
_She's strong, though. Bella will find a way to be strong, too. _Sam sounded uncomfortable again, and he broke my thoughts again.  
_I'm going to phase. If you see the others, make sure they keep sharp. _He said, and soon he was gone.  
_I shouldn't have said that in front of him, but, it was a valid point. _Seth said. He sounded apologetic, but he was right. And Sam was right too. Bella needed time, and I'd give that to her, no matter how hard it was.


	5. Maybe I Am Like Leah

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while! I hope you all like this new chapter, it took me a while to write this one since I think I had writer's block lol. But anyway, I hope you all enjoy it anywayss!! :D  
Review kindly :)

There was still a few days left of sweet freedom before I'd be forced to go back to school. That meant no more late nights watching Bella sleep, no more roaming around on the reservation half naked, and no more doing whatever I pleased whenever I pleased. School was basically a prison, and I don't really know why I bothered going back. But, I knew my dad would be disappointed if I dropped out now, I knew how important the tribe was to him, and learning the tribe's language. I could at least humour him.  
I had to admit that Bella had given me hope today, she'd smiled at me, she'd hugged me, she'd laughed with me. She'd been completely normal, just the way I wanted her to be. But at the same time, I wished she would show a little remorse for the pain I knew she was going to inflict on me. I tried not to think about that, though, since right now I was trying to just enjoy the fact that Bella was alright with me being around. I'd phased back now, and I was sitting in my bedroom. It was good to have time to reflect on my thoughts without having to reflect on everybody else's as well. I didn't want to think about the conversation I'd had with Seth and Sam, just thinking about it made me scared.  
What if Bella would be like Leah? What if she'd stay depressed and broken forever, and she would never let herself forget the bloodsucker? What chance did I have?

I tried to stop these thoughts. I didn't want to be like this all of the time, I wanted to be happy, and cheerful, and hopeful that someday, hopefully soon, Bella would turn to me for love. She'd decide to let our friendship blossom into something more beautiful, and I could make her happy. But, by the looks of things, it didn't look as though it would happen anytime soon. I had told myself a hundred times to just give her time, like she'd asked, but it was so difficult to not be discouraged by that. I half wished she'd never kissed me in the truck, so then I wouldn't have this tiny thought of success in my mind. I'd always just accepted that she didn't want me, but now she'd made me more confused than ever. Her warm lips pressed against me, the way she'd been so willing at first. It was almost unbearable. But I had to force myself to be happy, and just wait for her to make up her mind.  
Bella telling me that she had the same frightening feeling as I did had left me a little shaken. Sam had dismissed it instantly, it seemed like his fears had been laid to rest. But, I don't know, it still didn't feel as though things were over just yet. But of course, I'd be waiting. I feel like all I ever do is wait.

It was only midday but I felt like I'd been up for days. I'd spent most of the morning with Bella, which was great, but now there was nothing left to do in the afternoon. I just wanted to go back to her, just hang out with her all afternoon, watch a movie or something, but I really didn't want to crowd her. I wanted to phase and chase down a bunch of bloodsuckers and rip them to shreds but, I couldn't do that either. So instead, I decided to rummage around my room until I found some ratty old school books, whipped them open. I was only halfway into deciphering what I'd written down as the homework I'd never intended to do when I gave up. My mind couldn't focus on that, on anything in particular, so there was no real point in trying. I just lied back onto my bed, and eventually I fell asleep.

Suddenly I was on the beach again. Bella was beside me again, her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed. She was smiling softly in her dreams, so I let my guard down and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Bella was gone, but it felt strangely familiar. I felt like I knew what was happening, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling uneasy. The beach was foggy but I could see a figure standing by the shore, tall and thin. I began to run towards him when I realised I was in my wolf form. I was all alone - nobodies thoughts met mine. I stopped and looked up to see the figure again. It was Edward, standing there, smiling wickedly at me. I kept my distance from him, and I stood as still as I could.  
"Where's Bella?" he asked, his voice was mocking. He scoffed before I answered, and Bella suddenly came rushing towards us from nowhere. She stood between us, looking from Edward to me, and back again.  
"Don't do this," she cried. I realised then, she was crying hysterically.  
"We have to," Edward smiled. I couldn't control myself then, we were both lunging towards each other - towards Bella in the centre. I was attacking, I couldn't stop myself, I would hurt Bella unless Edward got to her first. But he was attacking to, and he'd hurt her if I didn't get there first. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't stop. I wanted to kill Edward.I suddenly saw Emily's face, but she was bleeding everywhere. Her wounds were new, and I could see the blood on my human hands. In front of my eyes, Emily's face turned into Bella's, and I realised what I'd done.

I jolted awake, I was sweating like crazy and I was breathing in short pants. It was dark outside, I'd slept the entire afternoon. This dream was far worse than the one I'd had before. In this dream, I'd been the one to hurt Bella. It was me. I looked down at my hands again, but they were clean. I couldn't stop myself from shaking, I couldn't stop the horrible feeling inside of me. I suddenly realised only a slice of what Sam must feel every day when he looks at Emily. I don't think I could live with that. How was I going to hide this from Sam when I phased? I got up and wandered around the house, trying to find something to eat. There was nothing in our cupboards, so I didn't have much of a choice. I guess the only thing I could do was phase and eat something raw, I really didn't mind it. Food was food. Besides, for some reason, I didn't exactly feel like being human tonight. If nobody else was phased, being in wolf form would be a lot easier - I wouldn't have to really have to face any problems I had. I left the house and phased, running nowhere in particular, wasting the night, until I found some animals. I enjoyed the silence that greeted me, and tried to forget about my human problems as I attacked.  
I realised mid-meal that I wasn't too far from Bella's house. Right about now she was probably having her own nightmare, and she'd wake up screaming. I just wanted to ignore the fact that I was human for a little while, but I couldn't stop thinking of Bella. Maybe I'd give it a while, and I'd go to her house and listen to her dream about me again. Maybe that would sooth me. But the very thought of Bella sent a shiver through me again, and I saw her horrible disfigured face, just like Emily's.  
I decided not to go to Bella's and instead went home, and found myself sitting up watching infomercials on low volume. There was nothing else to do. I wasn't tired now, I wasn't hungry. I still couldn't get the nightmare out of my head, I felt like this was beginning to become a repetitive thing. I wasn't looking forward to Sam hearing my worries on it, I didn't want him to get upset any further. The way Seth had mentioned it earlier was enough to annoy Sam, I couldn't imagine what he'd think if now I was dreaming about it all. I felt terrible.

When I woke up, I was still on the couch, and it seemed to be mid-morning. I could hear someone cluttering around behind me in the kitchen. When I looked around, dad was attempting to make breakfast quietly, but failing.  
"Dad?" I called to him to get his attention. He looked around, and smiled.  
"Oh, sorry Jake, I didn't mean to wake you," he said quietly. I shrugged and got up. I half stumbled into the kitchen and pulled down a bowl from the top shelf he'd been trying to reach and handed it to him.  
"It's alright dad," I replied. What else could I say? He looked up at me, and he looked concerned.  
"I'm worried about you, Jacob. Even though you all got the vampire, you've still be sleeping uneasy, leaving the house in the middle of the night -"  
"I'm alright, I'm just having trouble getting back into my normal sleeping patterns," I explained. That wasn't the half of it. He just frowned.  
"Then why are you leaving in the middle of the night?" he asked, but something told me he didn't really want to know the answer. I shrugged again, and sat down at the kitchen table with him while he ate his breakfast slowly.  
"Just blowing off some steam. Don't worry," I tried to convince him, but, he still looked concerned.  
"Does this have anything to do with Bella?" he asked. Ha, where do I start? This had everything to do with Bella. But I wasn't exactly going to tell the old man that. Knowing him, he'd tell Charlie, who'd tell Bella, who'd accuse me of rushing her, and then I'd look like the bad guy.  
"Not a thing," I answered. He didn't seem convinced, but he didn't press the matter. That was probably the better option. I suddenly felt as though nowhere was safe. I couldn't sleep without having nightmares, I couldn't phase without greeting the concerns of the rest of the pack, I couldn't see Bella without dying a little bit inside - I couldn't even wake up without being interrogated. It wasn't vampires or monsters that was scaring me, it was myself. I felt myself shiver again, that thought terrified me.

I figured school was creeping up any day now, I still wasn't exactly sure how long I had to be free. Although, thinking about it, maybe school would be a safe haven from my thoughts. As much as I hated it, it might be good for me. I collapsed back onto the couch and fumbled around for the remote, but I couldn't be bothered watching television. There wouldn't be anything good on at 10:30 in the morning, anyway. Besides, I don't think television could distract me. Suddenly the feeling of foreshadowing doom was all figured out, was all in place, was all me. Well, it wasn't exactly me, but I felt like it was. I couldn't escape my own thoughts, and maybe eventually, I'd hurt Bella because of it. That was what the dream meant. I didn't want to think that way, but, it still scared me. No, I was just letting these dreams bother me more than I should.

I got up and went outside, phasing quickly. I needed to talk to Sam, I needed him to talk me out of my nerves. His voice met mine, as usual, and I felt relieved.  
_Why nervous? _He asked. I'm surprised I'd managed to keep all of that from spilling out.  
_How's it going, Jake? _Embry's voice shocked me, and I forgot all about my problems. What was Embry doing phased?  
_Sam caught me - I was just heading over to Quil's when he phased, and convinced me to stay phased a little longer. Besides, Quil was probably with Claire anyway. _Embry explained. I guess he was right about Quil, and, as Sam had suggested, it was important for us to phase every now and then. At least then we wouldn't get old.  
_That's not the point, Jake. Anyway, you were… worried? _Sam seemed a little cautious, and suddenly my mind replayed every memory I had tried to repress. And Sam saw it all. So did Embry, I suppose. They saw the dream, they saw Emily's bleeding face turn into Bella's, they saw Edward laughing at me, they saw it all. Neither of them thought anything, and I let my own shamed thoughts spill out again. I felt so, so sorry.  
_It's okay, Jacob. _Sam thought quietly. I watched his own thoughts think over it, as did Embry's, and I tried to ignore it.  
_You're overreacting. It was just a dream, you can't control it. _Sam told me. He was right, but I still felt bad.  
_Jacob, you need to relax. _Embry cut in. Maybe they were right - maybe I was wound a little too tight.  
_You're not wrong, _Embry sighed. God, I had really become Leah, now. I was worrying my brothers over nothing.  
_It's not nothing - but it's not as terrible as you think, Jacob. I'm glad you came to me. _Sam replied, sounding tired suddenly. I suppose they all must be a bit sick of my problems by now. _Take a chill pill. _Embry half laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh with him. I guess I was being really stupid, after all. I really did need to relax. Maybe I'd head down to Forks and see Bella, that might make me feel a little bit better about everything. I could focus on the real Bella rather than the Bella in my nightmares.  
_Just don't freak her out, we don't want you getting worse. _Sam half joked.

I got to Bella's house then, and phased back, feeling a little nervous to speak to Bella. Even though Sam had put most of my nerves at ease, I still couldn't get the image of my nightmare, of Bella's hideous face out of my head. I wasn't sure if I could even look at her the same, without fear. But my feelings towards Bella overrode my fear, and I found myself knocking loudly on the door. I waited a few moments before she answered, looking flushed.  
"Hey," I said, not sure what else to say. My dreams hadn't done Bella justice - she was far prettier in real life, which made the nightmares seem a little more distant.  
"Oh, hey Jacob," she smiled, standing aside and allowing me in.  
"Did I interrupt something?" I asked, and she grinned bashfully. Okay, with that reaction, I really needed to know. I couldn't help but let my thoughts go a little crazy and imagine Bella in all sorts of -  
"Just, uh, looking up a few things," she replied, going a light shade of red. She turned her back and walked into the lounge room, but I followed her.  
"Such as?" I pressed. She just shrugged.  
"Well, native American languages?" she said quietly, taking a seat. I felt myself laugh. Was she serious?  
"So, decided to do my homework after all?" I joked. I had been so terrified to come over here, for so many different reasons, and she'd been spending her time looking up native American languages. I was officially far too serious.  
"No, I was just curious," she smiled, and I slumped down onto the couch beside her. I wanted to put my arm around her, but maybe that would ruin the great vibe we had going.  
"Well, offers still here if you want to take it," I grinned, half wishing she really _would_ do my homework. It would save me from doing it. Not that I was even planning on doing it at all.  
"Shut up," she punched me, but I didn't feel it, and I just laughed. She was so cute when she was annoyed.  
"You love it," I let slip, but she just smiled. As much as I regretted those words, at least her reaction wasn't half as bad as mine. Her own smile faded when she saw the look on my face, was I honestly that easy to read? I never imagined so, but maybe I'd been wrong.  
"What is it?" she asked, looking concerned. It seemed like everyone was so worried about me these days, now even Bella was as well.  
"It's nothing," I tried to shrug it off, but she just stared at me.  
"Jacob?" she put a hand on my bare arm, and I swallowed hard. She really didn't want to hear this, and I really didn't want to talk about it. In fact, I wasn't sure what I was more worried about discussing. The fears I had from the nightmare, or the real feelings I had for Bella. But of course, being with Bella made me want to discuss _her_ feelings, not _my_ fears.  
"It's still, too soon, right?" I asked uncomfortably. She shifted, and took her hand back. Bad sign.  
"I'm still," she swallowed, and looked away. "I'm still, broken." Her voice was a very low whisper, it made me feel as though she was trying to hide it, like she was ashamed.  
"I know," I heard myself say. That wasn't exactly the most comforting thing to say. I put one arm around her, trying to be comforting, but she sort of shrugged me away.  
"I miss him, still, Jacob," she said, glancing over at me. She felt so far away, I wanted to hold her, but she would just move even further away.  
"I know," I said again. Did I not know how to say anything else? But I think I was just numb, waiting for the reaction, waiting for her to tell me that this, us, is never gunna happen. My whole body was shaking, I'd told myself over and over again that I was ready to hear it, but I wasn't.  
"I don't know if -"  
"You say my name in your dreams, Bella. Not your nightmares," I cut her off. I couldn't believe I'd just said that - well, I said it so fast I was hoping she didn't understand, but seriously! What was I thinking? She just looked confused, as though she didn't understand.  
"What?" she asked, suddenly looking angry. Crap.  
"I mean, well, when we were still protecting you, I heard you, or well, we heard you, say my name. We thought you were in trouble, but -" I rambled on, stopping myself before I said anything else stupid. She bit her lip and looked away.  
"Are you serious?" she asked, embarrassed. Well, at least she wasn't angry with me?  
"Yeah. Sorry," I said. I should at least try to sound like I feel bad. I moved a little closer and put an arm around her, this time she didn't shrug me off.

"Do I really, Jake?" she asked, looking up at me, looking like she might cry. I nodded, not sure what to say. "I dream about him, too, though."  
"You have nightmares, Bella. That's different," I told her. That must have sounded cruel, but I didn't really want her to choose a blood-sucker that had abandoned her over me.  
"I know," she replied. I realised then that she was crying, oh God, I didn't know how to deal with Bella when she was crying. She was just too confusing!  
"Bella, it's okay," I tried to soothe her. I gripped her tighter and pulled her body into mine so she was sitting uncomfortably on her side on the couch. I could feel the wet tears on my shoulder, and I felt her reluctant hands slide up across my back as she shifted her body and held herself close to me.  
"I'm so sorry Jacob," she cried, and honestly, I couldn't believe I was getting off the hook so easy. She'd been weird with me for trying to push her into making a decision, she could have been angry at me for spying on her, but instead she was the one apologising. I'd even stopped her before she had a chance to reject me today. But here she was, crying on my shoulder, telling me she was sorry.  
"No, Bella, it's alright," I told her, not really knowing what else to say. She suddenly looked up at me, tears still streaming down her face, biting her lip. She looked so perfect, so beautiful, even though her eyes were puffy and she was all wet, I just wanted to kiss her. I suddenly felt as though Bella was a spider who'd created some beautiful, heartbreaking web, and I was the naive fly, buzzing around, lured towards my demise.  
I really was like Leah, more than I wanted to be.

"Bella," I breathed, staring at her. I knew this was probably crossing the line, I knew this would probably just make her angry, I knew this was a terrible idea. But I had to ask.  
"Yes?" she opened her eyes wide, the tears had stopped, as though she was waiting for it. She knew it was coming, and she already knew her answer.  
"Can I please kiss you, Bella?" I asked, my voice was so quiet I wondered if she'd even heard me. The whole moment seemed to be in slow motion, because she seemed to just look at me. I watched her open her mouth just a little bit, like she was about to say something, but nothing came. I couldn't imagine how pathetic I must look, basically begging her to say yes. She sort of looked like she was going to say yes. But when she didn't move away from me at all, I wondered if she hadn't heard it at all. I saw her lips move, but I didn't hear her words. She must have realised because she tried again:  
"I don't know," she whispered, and I felt my heart break all over again. I knew that would be her answer - there was never a direct no. She had to sugar coat it for me, but I suppose that made it worse.  
"Please," I felt myself beg. Beg like the pathetic dog I was. She glanced away then, down, away from me. I wanted to force her to look at me, force her to kiss me, force her to see how good things would be if we were together. I knew she needed me, but I needed her just the same. She didn't understand that.  
"Jacob -" she tried to protest, squirming in my arms. She tried to pull away, and I had no other choice but to let her. Forcing her to stay would only make things worse for me - even though I wasn't sure how much worse it could get at this point. I'd probably just made things weird again.  
"Bella," I said, but there was no point in trying to convince her. This was a losing battle, she was already on her feet and walking to the other side of the room away from me. She didn't look at me, she kept her back turned to me, and it sounded as though she was crying again. Should I apologise? I stood up and followed her, placing my hands on her shoulders. She didn't push me off her, but she didn't turn around either.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I whispered, moving my head down so I was beside her ear, and I felt her left hand creep up to rest on mine.  
"I just need time," she replied, her voice croaky. Time, time, time. Everyone needed time. I was sick of time. Anymore time taken and she'd be dead. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I felt like this was taking forever. And I felt like at the end of all this time, I'd still be left alone without her. She'd still choose the blood-sucker over me.  
"I know. I'm sorry," I said again. I knew all too well.  
"Me too," she said. I wish I could see inside her head, I wish I could tell exactly what she was thinking. I wish I could just make her see how much she meant to me, how much she tormented me when things were like this.


	6. Too Much For My Brain To Understand

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Going slow, I know, but I hope y'all like it!! This one seems a little short, so I'm sorry!  
Please review kindly :)

I left Bella's house then, and I had to admit, I was a bit of a mess. I phased instantly, and without caring, I let all my thoughts spill out to Sam and Embry - and now Jared, too. Sam said nothing for a long time, but Jared and Embry were quick to give their opinions._  
I had no idea this was going on! Just give her up, mate. You haven't even imprinted!_ Jared thought. That word; imprint! It made me so angry I just wanted to yell.  
_And what happens if you do imprint Jake? On someone else? You'll just be hurting Bella even more, you don't want her turning out like - _Embry stopped mid-sentence, which was probably the smart thing to do. The last thing I needed was for Sam to phase back, I really needed his advice.  
_Thanks for the concern Jacob, but I can still hear your thoughts, remember. _Sam thought flatly. Oh, right. I really need to be more careful.  
_Take our advice, Jake. Give her up! _Embry continued.  
_She doesn't even sound into you at all. _Jared added. Okay, that was crossing the line. Bella told me she just needed time, that didn't mean she didn't like me! She'd been alright with me today until I'd tried to kiss her.  
_I'm not trying to be a jerk, but think about it seriously. Think with your head, not your -  
Okay that's enough. You're not helping! _Sam cut him off just in time, since if he'd said just one more word I think I might have ran to meet them and ripped him apart. Thank heavens for Sam.  
_Alright, alright. I'm going to Kim's. She was expecting me half an hour ago, but thanks to dear old Sam here forcing me to be phased some of the time, I'm late! _Jared responded, laughing. Good, he was leaving.  
_Don't need to tell me twice. _He added comically, and then he was gone.  
_We don't have to talk about this phased, Jacob. We can choose a more secure environment, if you'd like? _Sam asked, seemingly talking about Embry. Truth is, I felt better about getting this off my chest while we were phased, rather than face to face. Although, in human form, I'd be able to control my thoughts and what I wanted to share a little easier. Not that it made much of a difference, he'd find out eventually.  
_I can leave if you guys want? _Embry offered. Sam waited for my call. I hesitated. I didn't want Embry to have to leave just because I wanted to talk to Sam, I mean, we were brothers, we shared everything. But at the same time, I knew Embry didn't exactly have the advice I was looking for.  
_I don't mind! I gave my advice! _he said with a laugh.  
_I'll catch up with you later, Embry. And when you see Quil, tell him to phase later on, please. _Sam answered for me, his tone a little annoyed when he mentioned Quil. Nobody had seen Quil in a while, since he'd been spending every waking moment with Claire now that the blood-suckers were gone. Which sort of made me wonder why Sam wasn't using his time to be with Emily.  
_She understands that I have to keep you guys up to speed. _He answered my thoughts. I suppose he was right, after all.

Instead of going home, I sped off deeper into the forestry, meeting Sam. Even though we were face to face, we remained phased, since I guess it was easier for him to listen to my thoughts this way, rather than me have to explain things.  
_First of all, please don't take Embry's and Jared's advice. _He said softly. Was he worried that I was really going to listen to those two idiots?  
_Point taken. But imprinting is something you should be worried about, Jacob. And, even though this is going to sound awful, you really don't want things to turn out the way it did with Leah and I. Bella is hurt right now, and she's trying to get over heartbreak. What will happen if you imprint on another girl? _I felt bad letting him talk about Leah, only because I knew he felt so guilty about it. But, truthfully, the possibility of imprinting on another girl seemed like a problem I would never have to worry about. Bella was the only girl for me, and with her in my life, I'd never be able to imprint.  
_That's all well and good to think now, though. You haven't imprinted on Bella, and, if things were meant to be - wouldn't you have by now? _That was a blow. I just re-thought the sentence in my head. "Wouldn't you have by now?" When I really thought about it, Sam had a point. Quil imprinted on Claire the moment he saw her, as did Jared with Kim, and Paul with Rachel, and Sam with Emily, for that matter. But I had known Bella for a long time, and I haven't imprinted.  
_Imprinting is supposed to be rare, so there is the possibility that you'll never imprint. _Sam tried to console me. But, what if I have imprinted, and I just didn't know it?  
_Jacob, the most important question you have to ask, is: are you in love with her? Everything else means nothing, if the answer to that is yes. _He said quietly. I was in love with Bella, I've loved her for a long time. I've loved her since that first night I saw her, by the fire - I knew she was for me.  
_Then give her the time she asks for. Just wait, and maybe, she'll love you in return. _Sam responded. But what if she doesn't love me in return? What if all of this is in vain, and she tells me she's still in love with the leech?  
_Anything you do for love will never be in vain. She knows how much you love her, and I'm sure she does appreciate it on some level. She hasn't pushed you away, has she? _Sam was right. I suppose I did have a very slim chance at winning Bella's heart, and I'd keep trying, even if, at the end of it all, I had nothing to show for my efforts aside from a broken heart. Thank you, Sam.  
_Now how about some training? You've been so preoccupied with Bella, you haven't done any serious running at all! _Sam said suddenly, his voice piping up. I smiled at the thought of running again - running like I'd never have to slow down. You're on.

Sam and I spent the rest of the afternoon training, and I had to admit, it really chilled me out. Though, as the sun began to set, I realised how tired I was. So I headed home, but I was unfortunate enough to walk in on Paul and Rachel, slobbering all over each other on the couch. I groaned. Rachel bolted upright as soon as she heard me, but Paul didn't seem to care. "Jacob!" Rachel exclaimed, giving me an annoyed look. I rolled my eyes. I could feel a bad mood coming on.  
"Don't you two have bedrooms?" I muttered loudly as I walked past them on my way to the kitchen.  
"Shut up," Rachel called after me, but she said nothing else so I assumed Paul had silently pulled her back into their make-out session. I rummaged around through the refrigerator, finding the perfect ingredients for a sandwich. I sat myself down at the kitchen table, and shivered openly when I heard Rachel giggle. It was horrible enough that Jared and Embry were telling me to give Bella up, but this was worse. I wished it was me and Bella on that couch, well, maybe not our couch now, but still. I felt as though I had imprinted, but the girl I'd imprinted on just hadn't realised that. I finished my making a few sandwiches, and began packing the rest of the food back into the refrigerator.  
Paul must have smelt my food, because while I was halfway through a bite, he took the sandwich from my hands and bit the other side, grinning down with a mouthful. He placed what was left of the sandwich in front of me.  
"What?" I glared. I felt so refreshed after training with Sam, but now I was in a bad mood, and it was all thanks to Paul and Rachel. It wasn't really their fault, although Paul might have an idea what was going on if he'd bothered to phase once in a while.  
"What's up with you?" he asked, frowning and taking the seat opposite me. I shrugged, folding my arms.  
"Nothin'," I responded. I must have looked pretty annoyed, because he looked a bit stand-offish.  
"Are you sure? Something to do with Bella?" he asked, taking the rest of the sandwich and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. Rachel suddenly came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek.  
"Bella?" she repeated, giving me a smug look. I heard myself growl at her.  
"Stay out of this, Rachel," I said, looking away from them. It should be me sitting there, it should be Bella kissing my cheek. Rachel just scoffed and walked off, and Paul leaned over the table at me.  
"Jacob, what is it?" he asked, looking concerned. I remembered a time when Paul and I would fight all the time, but now that Rachel was around, he'd really mellowed out. Maybe a good fight was what I really needed.  
"Okay, so it's Bella," I replied. There was no point in keeping secrets, he'd find out eventually anyway. He raised his eyebrows.  
"What now?" he asked. It sounded like he had an idea of what was going on.  
"Well, I tried to kiss her again," I explained.  
"What's she do?" he asked. I hesitated.  
"She told me she needed more time," I told him. He thought for a moment, and then gave me a bright smile.  
"That's exactly what Rach said to me when I tried to get her into bed!" he grinned. Urgh, I so did not want to hear that.  
"Paul -" I didn't want to hear about their relationship.  
"Sorry, I forget she's your sister sometimes," he said bashfully. "But, about Bella. I'm sure she'll come around. Give her time, but make sure not to give her too much time, or else she'll think you're not interested anymore. Don't let her think you've forgotten about her," he said matter-of-factly. As unbelievable as it was, that was actually good advice. She hadn't gotten angry with me today, she'd even been a little affectionate. Maybe I did have a chance after all.

I went to bed later on, feeling comfortable that I wouldn't be having nightmares tonight. But, instead of the nightmares, insomnia took their place. I wasn't sure which would be worse. I was feeling pretty tired, but it gave me a chance to think over all advice I'd listened to throughout the day. Obviously, I wouldn't be taking Embry and Jared's advice, but Sam and Paul had made me believe that I may actually have a good chance with Bella. It was a bit frustrating that we didn't have a blood-sucker to hunt, since that would have given me something else to think about besides Bella. Maybe school would help with that?  
I couldn't help but get my hopes up at this point, now that I was a little more confident. It was a welcome change to think about Bella in a positive way, as opposed to it making me depressed. I thought about what it would be like if we were together, how happy she would make me, how happy I could really make her. If she just gave me a chance, I know that I could. Life would be perfect, for both of us. But eventually, I felt myself go drowsy, and I was asleep.

I woke up to voices outside my bedroom door. Before I had a chance to get up and see what the noise was all about, there was a knock on my door and it opened slowly.  
"Jacob?" Bella's voice called out to me, quiet and wary. I sat upright. I thought it'd be just one of the guys, but here was Bella, walking into my room.  
"Bells," I jumped up as she came into sight. She smiled bashfully when she saw me. "How are you?"  
"I'm okay. Don't you boys _ever_ wear cloths?" she asked, letting out a nervous laugh. You boys?  
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.  
"Oh, um, Paul, was it?" she asked, pointing vaguely back out towards the lounge room. I made a disgusted look.  
"Right. Sorry about them," I said, shaking my head. I wanted to ask what she was doing here, but that would probably sound really rude.  
"So…?" I figured that was all I could really say.  
"Oh, sorry, did I wake you?" she asked, edging a little closer to me.  
"Nah, it's okay," I replied. I waited for her to say something else, but she seemed to be hesitating.  
"So, school starts in two days, have you done your homework?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Why did Bella care whether or not I did my homework?  
"Nope," I replied, shrugging. I grinned at her when she frowned. "What do you expect?"  
"You really should do your homework!" she replied, stepping closer to me again and joke punching me. She grinned. I had to ask.  
"What are you doing here, Bella?" I asked, glancing down at her. Her smile faded, and she looked down.  
"It's about yesterday," she said, quietly. Okay, now I really was interested.  
"What about it?" I tried to sound like I had forgotten the whole morning, but I think she saw right through me.  
"I want to say that I'm sorry," she muttered. No, I didn't want her to say sorry again. I didn't want her to be upset again.  
"It's alright, Bells," I replied. I wanted to put my arms around her, but instead, I just stood there. I didn't want to make things worse like I did yesterday. She just shook her head at me.  
"No, I - I should have said yes," she whispered that last part, not looking up at me. I think my heart stopped beating. She wanted to say yes, she wanted me to kiss her. I put my hands on her face and pushed her face up so she was looking at me. I could tell she wanted to cry, but I think she was holding it back.

"Can I kiss you now?" I asked quietly. I figured if she was every going to say yes, it would be now. Now while she was regretting not saying yes yesterday. This could be my only chance. She just stared at me though, and bit her lip, like she was contemplating it.  
"I don't know, how, to say yes," she whispered. I decided that there was no point in talking anymore, so instead I kissed her on the lips, softly. I didn't push it further, I just let my lips linger on hers for a moment, and she didn't pull away. I felt her arms crawl up my back, her hands resting there. I really had to control myself, so I pulled myself away to stop me going any further, letting go of her face. She didn't take her arms back, but she just looked up at me.  
"Jacob," she breathed, looking sad. God, the way she says my name! Here we are in my bedroom, right beside my bed, her arms around me; her saying my name the way she does. It was too much.  
"I don't want to hurt you," she said, suddenly. I think it was a little late for that, not that it was her fault, after all.  
"You won't," I lied, running my fingers through her hair. She let me go, and pushed me lightly away.  
"I still miss him," she said, looking down again. I knew that she still missed him, I knew that she still loved him. I knew that the blood-sucker would always be there, he'd always be in her heart. But, I had to accept that. If I wanted her, I had to understand that. No matter what, I couldn't be jealous.  
"I know," I said, and boy, did I know. She didn't look up, but she put her arms around me again and rested her head against my bare chest.  
"I'm sorry that I do, but I can't forget him," she told me, but I already knew. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want her to be cut up about it. I just wanted her to be happy. Even if that meant remembering him.  
"It's alright, Bells. I understand," I put my arms across her back, held her close to me. She didn't reply for a long time, so she must have understood that I knew about everything, and that I accepted it. Did this mean that we were together, that she had said yes to me, finally? What did all of this mean?

"I should go," she said, breaking away from me. She turned her back, and went to leave without another word.  
"Wait, Bella," I grabbed her arm, pulled her back around to me. But she didn't look at me.  
"I'm sorry, Jacob," she said. She was always saying sorry.  
"Don't say sorry," I told her. I wanted to scream it at her, but I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate that. She just gave me a strange smile.  
"I guess I can't say sorry for that, either?" she joked. A joke, that was a good sign. I just shook my head, and tried to smile.  
"Don't go," I said quietly. She let out a soft sigh.  
"This is all, so fast, I need to think," her voice was so quiet I could hardly hear her. I knew she felt terrible about all of this, I knew that now. I knew I had a chance to be with her now. I knew I had to let her go, for now.  
"Alright," I said, pulling her back into me again. I kissed the side of her cheek. She broke away from me, but she didn't walk away.  
"School's going to be really hard without having you there to get me through," she said, smiling up at me softly. It's going to be hard for me too, but I didn't tell her that.  
"I can come over your house after school, if you want," I offered, grinning down at her. "And you can do my homework!"  
"Oh, shut up," she laughed, punching my chest. I was still unsure of what that kiss meant for us, but, I was far too embarrassed to ask. I wanted her to tell me what it meant, but, I knew she wouldn't. I just had to wait, and hope things all fell into place by themselves.  
"But seriously, we can see each other every day if you want," I replied.  
"I'd like that," she smiled. We hovered for a moment, looking around awkwardly.  
"I'll walk you out," I said, and she followed me out into the lounge room.

"Going out?" Paul asked, coming up for air from Rachel, who gave us an annoyed look at interrupting them. Bella stood cautiously behind me, and I shrugged. I turned around to look at her.  
"I guess, we, are?" she shrugged as well, but she must have read my mind. Obviously Paul and Rachel wanted me out of the house, and Bella was saving me.  
"I guess so," I smiled. Paul grinned at me, and pulled Rachel back into his arms, kissing her. Bella looked away awkwardly, and I groaned.  
"Let's get outta here," I muttered, putting an arm around Bella and leading her out the door. As much as it disgusted me when Paul and Rachel made out on the couch, this time it was actually paying off.


End file.
